


O Christmas Tree

by jashinist_feminist



Series: Sannin + Ame Kids [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Tree, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff, Happy AU, M/M, Multi, OOC, OT3, Polyamory, Wish Fulfillment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 08:36:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16909686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jashinist_feminist/pseuds/jashinist_feminist
Summary: Celebrating their first family Christmas, Jiraiya, Orochimaru and Tsunade need to get a Christmas tree for their kids Nagato, Yahiko and Konan. But Jiraiya has another trick up his sleeve...





	O Christmas Tree

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second of my Christmas fics! In this instalment, we go to the Sannin OT3, where they are planning their first Christmas with their kids!
> 
> I did a bit more worldbuilding and added some more characters...including a mention of tiny terrible toddler Sasori XD
> 
> I do hint at some angst, but I don't go too deep into it, as this story is meant to focus on Christmas fluff. If you want to read into it a bit more and ask for hcs, then sure, go right ahead! I love to chat! <3

December was rapidly approaching, and Jiraiya, Orochimaru and Tsunade were frantically planning how to spend the first perfect Christmas with the three orphans they had adopted, Yahiko, Nagato and Konan. It was the first Christmas they would be spending together as a family, and nestled at the forefront of their minds, yet not spoken aloud, the parents wanted to give the three orphans the best, happiest memory of Christmas they could.

“The tree,” announced Tsunade, in the first week of December, as she sat sipping coffee at the kitchen table in a pair of festive-patterned fairisle pyjamas. Her blonde hair was loose and fell over her shoulders. “We need to sort out the tree.”

Orochimaru wrinkled his nose, and folded his arms, the silken sleeves of his black dressing gown rustling. “Do we really need a tree?”

“Yes,” insisted Jiraiya, turning around and balancing three plates of scrambled eggs on toast for the kids.

“They’re big, messy, and leave pine needles everywhere,” complained Orochimaru. “It’ll take over the whole room and-”

“Where’s your Christmas spirit, Oro?” demanded Jiraiya, putting the first plate down in front of Konan, who squealed eagerly. “We can’t not have a Christmas tree!”

“He’s right,” agreed Tsunade. “We have to have a tree. The kids will love it!”

“Tree!” chirruped Yahiko, as Jiraiya handed him his plate.

“Let’s get a fake one then,” said Orochimaru, as Jiraiya offered the last plate to Nagato. “Then we can reuse it next year as well and put it back in a box when we’ve had enough of it.”

“No, it has to be real!” insisted Tsunade, plonking down the coffee mug on the table for emphasis. “The best part of my childhood was going to the woods with my grandfather and then we would pick a tree, and he’d cut it down, and we’d drive back to the house with it tied to the roof of the car.”

“Case closed. That’s how we will get our tree,” decided Jiraiya.

“What?” asked Tsunade, jolting upright. “No! We are not doing that _now_. His house was much bigger, and he had all the equipment to do it safely. We’ll go to the garden centre like normal people, and chose a small tree that won’t take over the living room, and one that won’t shed.”

Orochimaru didn’t look impressed, but he shrugged and conceded, then dodged Konan reaching over with a stick of eyeliner to try and do his makeup.

“But babe, it was the best part of your childhood,” protested Jiraiya, dumping the saucer in the washing up bowl. “Don’t you want to recreate it?”

“It would be nice, but its not practical,” Tsunade folded her arms, tilting her chin defiantly. “And it wouldn’t be the same, either.”

“Why not?” asked Jiraiya.

“You know why it wouldn’t be the same!”

Orochimaru sensed the discomfort growing in the room. “Look, why don’t we just do something similar, but different, that’s better suited to our needs now? We’ll go to the garden centre all together, and pick a tree. They’ll wrap it for us, and we can put it in the backseat of the car, then decorate it all together.”

“We’ll go on Saturday,” announced Tsunade.

When Saturday rolled around, there was a slight change of plan. Tsunade was called in to cover the weekend rotations at the GP surgery she worked at, meaning that Jiraiya and Orochimaru had to take the kids to go and fetch the tree on their own.

Orochimaru shepherded the kids into the backseat of Jiraiya’s Land Rover and buckled them into their car seats. They were chirping away happily to each other, about the tree, the presents they wanted for Christmas, and all kinds of other things that children presumably liked. Jiraiya had dressed them all in Christmas-themed jumpers and sensible walking trainers, and they all wore their warm coats.

Orochimaru himself wore a black cashmere jumper, black trousers, a black Italian wool trenchcoat, and black heeled boots. The only relatively festive thing about him was the sparkly socks that Tsunade had bought him last year, but they weren’t visible.

Once they were safely buckled in, Orochimaru stretched out in the front passenger seat of the Land Rover. Usually, if they travelled in Jiraiya’s car, Orochimaru was confined to the very back seats, so that Tsunade could take the front passenger seat while kids sat in their car seats in the middle. Needless to say, Orochimaru did not like travelling in Jiraiya’s car, even if it was the only one of their three cars in which they all fit.

To entertain the children, Orochimaru flicked on the radio to blast some Christmas tunes at them.

Jiraiya took an unusually long time to get in the car. He opened the boot, and as Orochimaru glanced in the front wing mirror, noticed Jiraiya rummaging around and placing something on one of the back seats.

“What are you doing?” demanded Orochimaru.

“Just bringing some supplies we’ll need…like ropes to tie the tree to the roof in case its really big,” replied Jiraiya.

“It better not be really big,” Orochimaru folded his arms. “I want to be able to watch my television from the sofa.”

Jiraiya didn’t respond, and instead clamoured up into the driver’s seat. He was also wearing a hideous Christmas jumper underneath his parka coat, and sturdy walking trainers. Orochimaru glanced down and noticed them as Jiraiya pressed on the clutch and felt the car purr to life unusually strongly. Jiraiya guided the car out of the garage, down the driveway, and onto the road.

The kids continued to chirp and sing along to the Christmas tunes on the radio, Jiraiya focused on the road, and so Orochimaru settled his seat against the headrest and half-closed his eyes. He watched as Jiraiya guided the car in the direction of the garden centre, feeling the warm air of the heater blowing on his face.

But then as they reached the garden centre, Jiraiya drove straight past.

Orochimaru sat up.

“What are you doing?” he demanded. “There’s the garden centre!”

“We’re not going to the garden centre,” replied Jiraiya.

“Why not? We’ve got to get the tree!”

“We’re going to forest to cut one down ourselves.”

Orochimaru stared speechlessly at Jiraiya. He turned back to look at the kids, and then further back at the boot of the car.

“Just what did you put in the boot of the car?” he demanded.

“…a chainsaw,” admitted Jiraiya.

“Tsunade will go mad,” Orochimaru triumphantly announced.

“She’ll love it.”

“She’ll hate it.”

“She will love it when she sees it,” Jiraiya settled back in the seat, pressing against the accelerator. He glanced back up in the front mirror. “Hey kids! You can’t wait to watch daddy get the tree, can you?”

“Big tree!” chirruped Yahiko. “Big tree!”

“Hear that, Oro? My boy wants a big tree!” Jiraiya proudly beamed.

Orochimaru’s shoulders slumped, as he realised he was outnumbered by Jiraiya, his stupid ideas, and a bunch of kids. And there was no way he could escape this foolishness, as he was stuck on a dual carriageway with Jiraiya in a car that was moving at seventy miles per hour.

Jiraiya drove them out of town, and then in the direction of the nearest forest used by dog-walkers and hiking enthusiasts. He helped the kids out of the car, and then raced with them to the forest path, holding the chainsaw in the air.

Despairingly, Orochimaru darted around the revolting dog mess that some irresponsible dog owners had forgotten to pick up, and tried to follow. He’d made his clothing choices thinking that they would be walking around a civilised garden centre, but the floor of the forest was moist, and he skidded on the mud and mushy leaves several times in his heeled boots. He grabbed a tree to steady himself, and recoiled as his hands were covered in moss.

“I found a pinecone!” announced Konan, holding out her hand.

“Lovely,” stated Orochimaru through gritted teeth.

“Oooh, show daddy!” Jiraiya peered down. “Wow! Why don’t you and your brothers collect some, and then we can spray paint them silver and hang them from the tree?”

“Yes!” beamed Konan, before scrabbling through the bushes to look for more.

“What are you doing?” hissed Orochimaru. “They’ll be absolutely filthy when we get home. Tsunade won’t be happy when she has to give them their bath.”

“They’re kids, they’re allowed to get mucky,” retorted Jiraiya.

“Yuck,” pouted Nagato.

“Yes, that’s right. Good boy. Yuck,” Orochimaru reached down and clutched Nagato’s hand, guiding him away from a puddle as Yahiko and Konan charged through it.

They wandered deeper into the forest. Bright winter sunlight streamed through the trees, and made the misty air glow.

“I hope we’re not lost,” Orochimaru called.

“I’m not lost,” retorted Jiraiya. “We’ll keep walking until we find the perfect tree, I’ll cut it down, and then we’ll carry it back to the car and go for hot chocolate on the way home.”

“I want a gin and tonic after this,” muttered Orochimaru.

They jumped over another muddy puddle, and then turned a corner.

“There!” announced Jiraiya.

Orochimaru stared at what he was pointing at. A giant fir tree, that stood taller than Jiraiya, and probably even taller than their ceiling, sat waiting in a clearing.

“It’s huge,” he stated.

“It’s perfect!” Jiraiya ran towards it, and circled it.

“It won’t fit in the living room,” protested Orochimaru. He shivered. “Let’s go back to the garden centre and get a small one. Like Tsunade said we should.”

“No, we’re having _this_ tree,” decided Jiraiya adamantly. He revved up the chainsaw. “Stand back!”

 “Is daddy an idiot? Say yes,” instructed Orochimaru, as he guided the three kids away.

“Daddy’s funny,” giggled Konan.

Jiraiya aimed the chainsaw at the trunk of the tree. It hit the sturdy trunk, and several splinters of wood spattered across the clearing.

“Jiraiya, be careful!” shouted Orochimaru, shielding the kids as best as he could. He herded them back several paces, continuing to shield them.

“I am!” Jiraiya yelled back, pressing against the trunk.

“You should have brought protective gear!” Orochimaru taunted.

“I’ll be fine!” insisted Jiraiya, straining with the effort of pressing the blade of the chainsaw against the tree trunk.

Orochimaru could only watch as Jiraiya hacked down the tree. He was pretty sure that Hashirama Senju had had a much more dignified method of harvesting his Christmas tree when Tsunade and Nawaki were young. Eventually the tree sagged sideways, and fell on the ground. Orochimaru grabbed the kids and held them safely away, as Jiraiya cheered triumphantly, waving the chainsaw in the air.

“I’ve done it! I’ve got our tree!” Jiraiya charged over, switching off the chainsaw.

“Just one question,” said Orochimaru, staring at the hulking beast of a tree that looked even bigger now it lay on the ground. “How are we doing to get this back to the car?”

“Ah,” said Jiraiya, his grin faltering. “Well…I’ll take the top, you can take the bottom, and one of the kids can have the chainsaw-”

“Is that a joke?” demanded Orochimaru. “None of the kids are carrying the chainsaw. And I’m not touching that dirty tree.”

“I’ll carry it!” Yahiko tried to grab one of the branches and drag it along.

“No, little man, you’re not strong enough yet,” Jiraiya ruffled Yahiko’s spiky orange hair. “Guess I’ll have to carry this tree myself. Here, Orochimaru, you take the chainsaw.”

Jiraiya shoved the chainsaw in Orochimaru’s hands, and Orochimaru seriously debated decapitating Jiraiya then and there with it and saving Tsunade the bother of having to do so. But he figured that he didn’t want to traumatise the kids, and so he watched as Jiraiya hauled the tree up on his back and led the kids back through the woods.

Once they reached the car, Jiraiya tied the tree to the roof while Orochimaru watched from a distance, refusing to touch it. Only when it was safely secured did he help the now absolutely filthy kids into their car seats. He didn’t care if they got mud and leaves over the car since it was Jiraiya’s car and not his, and Jiraiya deserved it after he dragged Orochimaru on this ridiculous venture. Orochimaru didn’t want to know what he looked like, but one glance in the wing mirror of the car was enough to horrify him with a glimpse of pine needles in his hair, mud streaking up to his waist and ruining his clothes, and green moss crusted under his nails.

He gingerly sat down in the front passenger seat, then Jiraiya sat next to him. Jiraiya looked even worse, he had pine needles stuck to his clothes and spiky white hair, and wood splinters stuck beside those. Mud caked his clothes, and streaked across his cheeks.

“Tsunade will be angry,” warned Orochimaru.

“She will love it,” insisted Jiraiya.

“She will hate it,” retorted Orochimaru.

Jiraiya ignored him and glanced in the front mirror to talk to the kids. “Hey kids! Who wants to go and get a hot chocolate now?”

“Me!” shrieked the three children.

“Let’s go!” Jiraiya revved the car, and then drove them back down the country lane, and onto the dual carriageway. Orochimaru blasted the heater at himself, and then Jiraiya pulled into a nearby service station.

They clamoured out the car, and Orochimaru glanced around at the people who stared at them. Jiraiya ignored them, and instead sat the kids down outside a café and ordered hot chocolates for all five of them. Orochimaru ordered earl grey tea and tried not to die on the inside as Christmas music blared the same songs for the millionth time since he’d dared enter the shopping stores at the beginning of November. Once the kids had finished slurping their drinks, and now had chocolate and cream smeared across their faces, Jiraiya hastily darted into a foodcourt, grabbing a bottle of prosecco and a box of chocolates.

“Why are you buying prosecco and chocolate?” frowned Orochimaru.

“For Tsunade. Just in case,” admitted Jiraiya, handing over his card to the cashier. “Come on kids! Let’s take the tree back to show mummy!”

On the way back to the car, Orochimaru noticed a familiar face staring at Jiraiya’s car and the Christmas tree stuck to the roof. When he turned to face them, his face lit up with an arrogant smirk.

“Just where are you planning to put a tree that big, Jiraiya?” scolded Hanzo.

“Bend over and I’ll show you,” replied Jiraiya.

“Did you just quote that damn line from the Lampoons…?” Orochimaru gaped speechlessly as the kids burst out giggling. “Normally I’d appreciate the sass…but after your antics today I’m more appalled than anything. Get in the car!”

“You’ve got a lot of guts speaking to me like that!” shouted Hanzo, as Orochimaru frantically buckled the kids in their seats.

Jiraiya sat in the driver’s seat, waved cheerily at Hanzo, before Orochimaru hastily clamoured in his seat.

“Drive,” hissed Orochimaru.

Jiraiya didn’t need to be told twice. He shot out of his parking space, out the car park, and back onto the dual carriageway. Before long, he parked up on the driveway, noticing that Tsunade wasn’t back from work yet.

Orochimaru helped the kids out of the car, and then watched as Jiraiya began to untie the tree. He propped it up against the side of the house, and stared at the front door.

“Now you realise that it won’t even fit,” taunted Orochimaru. “That was a spectacular waste of time and effort, don’t you think?”

“It will fit,” replied Jiraiya.

“No, it won’t,” retorted Orochimaru.

Before he could say anything else, Jiraiya grabbed the tree and stuffed it through the front door, barrelling in. Orochimaru took a sharp intake of breath, hoping and praying that none of their stuff would be destroyed in the process. True to his word, Jiraiya managed to stuff the tree in the house, and as Orochimaru peered in, noticed that Jiraiya was manoeuvring it into the living room. He groaned softly, realising that this was infinitely _worse_ than the pool during the summer.

“Come in and see, babe!” shouted Jiraiya.

Warily, Orochimaru closed the door behind himself and the kids, and peered in the living room.

“Look how lovely and festive that looks,” beamed Jiraiya, gesturing to the tree stuffed in the tree stand. The top of the tree brushed against the ceiling, and the branches stuck out in several different directions, practically taking over half the floor space and concealing the television from view.

“I can’t see the television. Or get to my bookshelf. And what if I want to look out the window?” asked Orochimaru.

“Well, you can watch the tree instead,” said Jiraiya. “We’re going to leave this now until mummy gets home, and then we can decorate it. Sound good, kids?”

“Yes!” the three children bounced up and down.

Orochimaru glanced around, at the muddy footprints all over the floor, the disturbed pine needles over the furniture, and the decimated area of living space. Tsunade would be absolutely furious, but it was too late now. All he could hope was that she would listen when he blamed Jiraiya for the entire antics of the day.

The kids poked at the branches, curiously tugging at the needles.

“Don’t do that! We don’t want a bald tree,” Jiraiya batted their hands away. “Let’s go and make some decorations…did you get all the pinecones, Konan? We can spray them silver now if you like and put them on string. Let’s go out to the garden so the spray paint doesn’t wreck the house.”

Orochimaru choked with laughter, thinking to himself that it was a bit too late to start worrying about the state of the house.

Outside, Jiraiya helped Konan spray paint the pinecones silver, while Yahiko and Nagato charged around the grass. Orochimaru stood watching them with his arms folded, making sure they didn’t fall in the pond at the end of the garden where Jiraiya’s pet toads lived.

On the street, he heard the engine of a familiar Audi.

“Oooh, mummy’s back!” Jiraiya stood up. “Let’s go and surprise her!”

The kids charged inside, with Jiraiya following, and ran in the living room, waiting for Tsunade.

Orochimaru skulked along, and the door opened as he’d just reached the living room.

“Hi babe,” greeted Tsunade, putting down her briefcase so she could remove her coat. “Did you get the tree?”

Orochimaru swallowed. “…yes.”

“I thought so when I noticed Jiraiya’s car was on the driveway and not in the garage…there were pine needles all over the garden! It’s not very big, is it?”

Orochimaru didn’t say a word.

Tsunade stared at him, and her eyes narrowed. “It’s not very big, is it?” she repeated.

Finally Orochimaru spoke. “It’s bigger than we expected.”

“How big?” demanded Tsunade. “How big is it?”

“It was all Jiraiya’s doing!” blurted out Orochimaru.

“Babe, come in here and have a look! You’re going to love it!” shouted Jiraiya.

Tsunade pulled Orochimaru out the way and stamped into the living room, before stopping.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” announced Jiraiya proudly, gesturing to the tree. “Is it just like when you were a kid?”

Tsunade’s face fell in horror. “Where did you get THAT?”

“The woods!” Nagato declared, charging around from hiding behind the tree. “Daddy took us to the woods and he cut it down! Papa said he was an idiot.”

Tsunade covered her mouth with her hand. “I said get a small one from the garden centre!”

“Yeah but that’s boring,” Jiraiya wrinkled his nose. “I wanted the kids to have the full Christmas experience. This tree is much better than some scrawny dead over-priced excuse of a tree from the garden centre!”

Tsunade groaned into her hands.

“And look! Konan found pinecones! We’ve spray-painted them silver, and we’re going to put them on strings and make decorations!” Jiraiya held up the bag of pinecones that Konan had found.

“I don’t believe you!” cried Tsunade, lifting her head. “I told you to go to the garden centre and get a small one! How did you even cut it down?”

“Daddy had a chainsaw!” Yahiko replied, bouncing on the sofa wearing his muddy trainers.

“You took a chainsaw to the woods with the kids?” demanded Tsunade.

“Sure,” said Jiraiya.

“Are you insane?! Anything could have happened!” Tsunade slumped her head against the doorframe.

“I had Orochimaru with me!”

“I wish I hadn’t come,” retorted Orochimaru.

Tsunade stared at the tree. “How are we going to do anything this Christmas with that giant tree squatting in the middle of the floor?”

Jiraiya licked his lips. “It will look nicer once we’ve put some tinsel on it.”

“Jiraiya,” stated Tsunade.

“Yes babe?”

“You’re an idiot,” groaned Tsunade. “How are we going to survive a month with that monstrosity just invading the whole living space? How are we going to even fit the presents under that?”

Jiraiya smiled smoothly. “Don’t worry babe, you don’t need to worry about buying me a tonne of presents, you’re my present.”

“If you’re trying to be smooth, its not working,” scolded Tsunade. “That tree needs to go.”

“No!” protested Konan. “I want the tree!”

Tsunade bent down. “Konan, sweetheart, we can’t have this tree. Its too big. We can’t fit in the living room.”

“I want the tree!” insisted Konan.

“Big tree! Big tree!” chanted Yahiko.

“I like the tree!” added Nagato.

“Well that’s…fantastic,” stated Orochimaru.

Tsunade sighed and stared at Jiraiya despairingly. “I can see why…you’ve done what you’ve done. I appreciate the sentiment behind it. But we can not have a giant tree taking over all the space. It’s not practical. The kids will get fed up and frustrated when they want to run around.”

“We want the tree!” the three children shrieked.

“Hear that, Tsunade? You’re outnumbered. The kids love the tree,” retorted Jiraiya. “Do you remember how excited Nawaki used to get around this time of year? These three remind me of back then.”

“Fine. It’s fine,” stated Tsunade, tugging a hand through her blonde hair and disrupting her pigtails. “All right. The tree…can stay. But Jiraiya, you have to trim it back so that we can fit in here and fit the presents in too. And Orochimaru?”

“Yes?” asked Orochimaru.

“The kids are absolutely covered in dirt. They need a bath.”

There weren’t many things in the world that would make Orochimaru’s eyes widen with terror, but this was one of them. “No. Please. Tsunade…you can’t do this to me.”

“I can and I will,” Tsunade glared at him. “Unless you want me to invite Sasori Akasuna over for a playdate?”

“I’ll bath the kids,” said Orochimaru quickly.

“Good,” said Tsunade. “Clean the place up. I’ll put dinner on. And then we’ll decorate this… _beast_ of a tree.”

An hour later, Jiraiya found himself trimming back the tree with a pair of gardening shears. It was a shame to cut the lovely tree back, but at least he could use the trimmings to make wreaths with the kids the next day. He knew they would like that.

Meanwhile, Orochimaru had to endure the horror of trying to bath a group of three year olds who were adamant that he needed to be splashed in the face whenever they felt like it. What joy.

Another hour later, and the kids were washed, their hair combed, and wearing matching sets of festive pyjamas. They clustered around the slightly smaller tree, and began to wrap a string of fairy lights around the tree. The kids started on the lowest branches as they were the shortest, before Jiraiya took over and wrapped it around the highest. Then, they began to dangle the silver pinecones from the branches, with each of the parents in turn lifting them up so they could put the pinecones on the higher branches.

Then Konan held out a series of paper angels that she had folded up from Orochimaru’s printer paper in his study. Orochimaru was not impressed that she had managed to smuggle herself into his study when it was supposed to be “off-limits” to the kids, since that was where he kept his pet snake Manda and other “unchild-friendly” things, but Jiraiya and Tsunade seemed impressed with the origami.

The next thing that Tsunade brought out was a box of chocolates to hang on the tree. Both of the three adults knew that they wouldn’t last a second on the lower branches of the tree, but they decided to kid themselves and hang them up anyway.

Soon, the three children were tucked up in bed, with the promise of their advent calendars being ready to open the next day. Meanwhile, the adults sat on the sofa with the box of chocolates that Jiraiya had bought, and the now-empty bottle of prosecco sitting on the coffee table.

“So babe, do you like your tree?” asked Jiraiya, as he ran his fingers through one of Tsunade’s golden ponytails. “Is it just like when you were a kid?”

“It is a bit,” she admitted softly, her head resting against his chest.

Jiraiya turned, and then kissed her forehead. “The kids loved it, babe. Honest – I think this will be the best Christmas we’ll ever have.”

“I hope you enjoy it too,” announced Tsunade, lifting her head to face him.

Jiraiya beamed jovially. “I know I will!”

“Because you have _no idea_ what’s going to hit you in the New Year.”

Jiraiya suddenly released her. “What?”

Resting on Jiraiya’s shoulder, Orochimaru grinned deviously. “Tsunade and I have been talking. About your antics this year. And we’ve decided enough is enough. Come the first of January, and its _payback_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ohhhhh, Jiraiya better watch out indeed XDD
> 
> What do you think Tsunade and Orochimaru have planned? Do you have any suggestions?


End file.
